Dear Francis, First of all, a great big THANK YOU for all that Consciousness is doing through the dear form we know as Francis Lucille! Your work is such a blessing! I have been on a ‘spiritual’ path most of my adult life and seriously so some 10 years now. A good friend of mine, Mary Scott (who published ‘The Kundalini Concept’) introduced me to some really helpful books by J Krishnamurti and Maurice Nicoll. Maurice Nicoll led me to Ramana Maharshi. I then ‘discovered’ Joel Goldsmith and Eckhart Tolle, whose work finally led me to non-duality sites through the internet. All these authors and teachers seemed to lead me further along the pathless path. Non-duality ‘clicked’ within the deepest of myself and seemed what I had been looking for, although I had always been cognisant of the fact that I was being ‘led’ and that I should not strive to ‘achieve’. It has been a long, lone journey, not in a way of feeling lonely because the Self has always been my companion, just lonely in the sense that I have not had a physically present human teacher. However, now that I am ‘on the threshold of eternity’ (I realise that is not possible because there is no going in and out of It, we are always in It) and know intellectually that I am that limitless Consciousness, I have suddenly been very badly attacked by extremely negative feelings and it is really difficult to just let them appear without getting totally usurped by them. I know I should not castigate myself for experiencing those feelings but the ego is clever and is trying its hardest to plunge me into some sort of depression by constantly telling me about my shortcomings. I just wanted to ask you if this is a normal part of the ‘process’ of the Infinite finding itself. It is difficult to explain alll this in words, but I am sure you will understand what I am trying to express. Thank you for your help.
I apologize for the delay in answering your note.
Regarding your question, I would say that depression “is a normal part of the ‘process’ of the Infinite NOT finding itself”. When the understanding is firm that all, including “our” decisions and “mistakes” is the play of the Absolute, there is no room left for beating oneself up for one’s own shortcomings, nor for having regrets or fear. As you get more and more firmly established in this experience-understanding, the symptoms related to the misidentification with a human body will gradually vanish. Don’t try to control the negative feelings. Let them do whatever they want to do, you are the openness in which they appear. Let’s face it: we have to face our fear sooner or later, and better sooner than later. Be interested in understanding it,since it has been your main problem for so many years. That requires welcoming it, which will lead you to its source, the I image desperately fighting for its impossible eternity.
But don’t misunderstand me: don’t focus on your fear, don’t invite it if it leaves you alone. Only deal with it (fearlessly :)) whenever it shows up. The rest of the time, let your fear starve in isolation in its cell. Don’t visit it. Enjoy your peace and your freedom. Celebrate your eternal Presence by all means available to you. Understand and experience that thinking about it and seeking it is already part of this celebration. Live with the perfume that emanates from your love for it.