In my case, I am handicapped by the what I call as broken brain, two stroke like incidences, as I informed you earlier makes it difficult to visit my teacher. As you said earlier, the teacher appears sometimes unannounced. J. K was my first eye opener after the nervous breakdown in 1979; and your logic and pointers hit some marks inside of me, I having a logical scientific mind that also is moved by grace.
All my glimpses happened while contemplating, in satasngs or in chantings. Somehow the Guru aspect that is a part of my upbringing never took a place in me. This often leaves me in deep questioning of the belief system we have. I even from my child hood had this deep understanding, this life as it happened did not affect me deeply, happiness or unhappiness. I have this great deep heartfelt feeling everything is OK . Even then I am frantically seeking. I have met spiritual teachers there is always a but on my surrendering. Any advise with humility
That which matters is the intensity of the desire for truth, not the circumstances that allow for or prevent us from visiting our guru. One should be touched by much more than the logic in the presence of one’s guru. The logic and all what is said in satsang is almost irrelevant at some point. The surrender is both to the Presence within and to the Presence in the guru in whom it shines. Sometimes, the perfume of the Presence within seems to be lost. Being in the presence of our human teacher puts us on the path again. That was my experience. The “but” to our surrendering may have two causes: 1. ignorance in us. 2. ignorance in the guru that we somehow detect. We should always surrender to the human guru in the former case, never in the latter.