Dear Francis, 3 years ago, I read through a Jean Klein book and was taken by a love with the truth shared. I’ve been reading your answers and watching the videos. I am grateful for all the beauty of the answers, which ring true and carry me into a selfless space. I am 26. My sincere spiritual journey began 5 years ago, and has carried me through many interests. At this point I feel disillusioned with all of them, except maybe these teachings. The following paragraph may sound very dim and bemoaning but I want to describe where I’m at. In the last two years, I feel like I am losing a zest for everything. I used to be naturally inspired to help people, to change the world, to make beautiful films (being a filmmaker as my profession). As the teachings began to settle in, I’ve begun to lose interest in these passions. Now, I’ve never been so disinterested in my life. My efforts at fitting into my relationships with loved ones, friends, and family are mediocre at best. My filmmaking, which was pretty successful, has fallen to a subsistence medium. It isn’t that I don’t like it but I’m not filled with that passion anymore. Yet I’m not left with anything to replace it! (It sounds so horrible…) And sadly, I’ve felt myself becoming disillusioned with the active pursuit of helping people, which was a lifelong passion. None of these notions of pursuit make full sense anymore. The clear understanding shared by yourself, Jean Klein, and many others is really the only thing that inspires me - the only sure passion I have. I worry that all my zest for the teachings may have thrown my mind out of balance - conditioning my mind in a overly critical and antisocial way. Maybe this will wear off as the truth naturally arises? From the conventional perspective, I am losing all worth to society - and I’m worried because in my own life, I’ve been driven by my interests - and without any, where will I go. I don’t really get inspired by much of what’s said in social arenas any more, and I feel somewhat of a mopey character being that, aside from a few other small tangents, I’m largely only interested in these teachings. Haha! I have to laugh at the sound of all this. Nevertheless, it’s true. Even in my high moments, my natural interest doesn’t reach far. I worry that maybe I will end up sitting around doing nothing all the time, pondering senseless truths. And I must admit, I’m afraid that people around me don’t understand me - I feel like I’ll lose connection with my girlfriend and anyone who “has a life.” I’ve already lost so many connections. I’ve read about a “dark night of the soul” in the teachings… I’m hoping that you could shed some light on what I may be going through and offer any advice that you feel compelled to. with love and gratitude, Roger
The symptoms you are describing are absolutely normal. The name of the illness is Love. There is no known cure, and the ten year survival rate for the ego is low. The good news is that after some time, the symptoms may evolve towards a state of peace, creativity, enthusiasm, harmony and happiness. The assistance of a special kind of specialized physician (loosely called spiritual teacher, although the full technical name is karana guru) is in most cases required for this evolution to take place. In all cases, the disappearance of the physical body at the time of death puts an end to the disease.